D.L.C
Taber, Runge Celebrate Patriots Loss
No team has been more adamant about the undeserving not getting undue recognition than DLC. They should know--it took a level of work ethic and character not found on many teams for them to become league champions. So it is with great pleasure that DLC's Jordan Taber and Kyle Runge revel in the fact that the Patriots were defeated in Super Bowl XLII by the New York Giants, 17-14.
"A total blow to the Brady/Patriot morale," said Runge, "The only thing better would be if Brady's supermodel girlfriend broke up with him."
"Has anyone seen Brady's box of condoms? How about his 4th Super Bowl ring...Oh, wait..." said Taber, "And the best part is that Rodney Harrison could do nothing but watch as (David) Tyree made that great catch on him. SUCK IT, RODNEY, you piece of shit."
With the big loss in the Super Bowl, the excessive hype surrounding the Patriots once again lands egg in the face of the 21st century sports media.
"As I said, even if they had gone undefeated, calling them the 'greatest team ever' is an absolute joke," said Taber, "They got 6 free wins against piss-poor division opponents and had close contests with nearly every quality opponent they faced. All things being equal...like technology, nutrition, steroids...there are several teams from the past that would obliterate them most times they faced off...not the least of which being the 1989 49ers, who were the greatest team in NFL history."
Runge, Taber On A Mission--2008
It’s been awhile. While DLC’s Strike’ n Spare league bowling has been on an indefinite hiatus since April of 2004 (when Runge and Jones, the last remaining original members, had to walk away from the game), Taber and Runge (and infrequently, Jones) have been bowling on occasion. Since 2006, Taber and Runge have been bowling on a rather regular basis, meeting each other halfway between Universities to bowl on an every other week basis. Over the past month and a half, the two former stars have pushed it to the limit at the new Brunswick Zone in St. Charles, Missouri, a center with a no-smoking policy.
“It’s just nice to give our lungs a break,” said Runge, “We already know we’re going to get cancer one of these days, but this might give us a few more years to suffer through all of life’s cruelties.”
One such cruelty has been watching the New England Patriots make a run at going undefeated.
“It’s just ridiculous,” said Taber, “They spread people out and just dink and dunk you to death. It’s fucking ridiculous. If anyone ever though to take that away and make them beat them with the big play downfield, they wouldn’t be undefeated. Their defense is mediocre and all of the “greatest team ever” labels that will be heaped on them are sickening. If they couldn’t stop Willis McGahee and Kyle Boller, what makes you think they could stop Emmitt Smith and Troy Aikman…or Roger Craig and Joe Montana…or Ricky Watters and Steve Young? Plus, they’re boring as hell to watch…”--Taber had to be cut off as his rant lasted for 30 minutes.
Audio Clips From Strike 'n Spare
Listen to the audio clips (5 new)
Looking Back--Jordan Taber's Rookie Year
Wondering how good a bowler JT was when he was just starting out? Thankfully, we have all of his scores from his first season in the YABA back in Rochester, NY--the 1993-94 season.
YABA Hall of Fame
Your votes count--if you have any idea what the hell we're talking about, please go to the message board and vote for who you think deserves to be a member of the Strike 'n Spare YABA Hall of Fame.
Jason Glaze Comments on Allegations
Jason Glaze has been subject of an embezzlement scandal in Strike 'N Spare's YABA league. His farther, "Mr" Glaze, was canned in an effort to preserve the integrity of the league after it was discovered that he and Jason had been taking money, often from prebowl envelopes, for their own usage.
"It happened a couple of times," said DLC's Kyle Runge, "To me at least. But hey, they've gotta put more food on the table than the average family, I guess."
Jason Glaze sat down at a press conference to discuss the accusations, and he admitted that he had unknowingly taken money...here's an interesting short clip from the interview in which YABA league manager Laura Whitcomb made an appearance:
-Jason Glaze/Laura Whitcomb at press conference
Steroid Scandals In Bowling
Recently released, a list of Strike 'N Spare members who testified at BALCO, and the results of that hearing.
Jeana Moffit--Admitted to unknowingly using "the clear," "the cream," and "red beans." "I was told it was flaxseed oil," said Moffit, "And arthritis medication. And the Mexico red bean pill thingeys--they told me they were jujubees."
Jordan Taber--Testified that he used every steroid available. "I was juiced beyond belief," Taber stated to the jury, "You might as well put an asterisk by my records, if I have any, and maybe an asterisk next to DLC's championship season, because I was giving myself injections in the ass." Of course, Taber was only kidding. He was, however, connected to BALCO, but thinks his physique speaks for itself. "Just hours and hours of work in the gym," Taber said. Others aren't so sure.
Jonathan Market--Denied ever using any suppliments. "Come on, man, get real."
Kevin Boxdorfer--Denied allegations made by BALCO founder Victor Conte that he asked for Human Growth Hormone and used a special injectable steroid the last 10 years that improves wrist strength and allows him to put over 300 revs on the ball per shot. "It's the product of hard work, every day, week in and week out. There is nothing illegal behind my bowling." However, BALCO officials beg to differ, stating that Boxdorfer's personal trainer, Wayne Roosenthal, had been providing him with Winthrol, a steroid used to build the tendons in the human wrist and arm and allow for an inhuman-like snapping action. "BUT WE ALL KNOW THAT'S NOT PART OF MY GAME!!!" Boxdorfer pleaded.
Jeremy Jones--"I went there to get vitamin and mineral supplements. They said I had low zinc amounts in my blood," said Jones, "And I took creatine for a while but it didn't help. I fought through the pain, but I never even considered doing 'roids."
Justin Cain--Boxdorfer's workout buddy, he and Jerry Reich both admitted to being on the same regimen as Boxdorfer.
Kyle Runge--Tested positive 3 times for steroids, but it turns out it was simply an error in the testing. "I'd never do something like that," said Runge, "my muscular physique is the result of intense training and lots of protein."
Jamie Davidson--Admitted to using anabolic steroids and designer steroid THG, aka "the clear." She will be suspended indefinitely.
Laura Whitcomb--Even she was tied to this. Her daughter Carrie passed a lie detector test despite allegations from Conte and Justin Cain that she had been doping and shooting up with 3 different kinds of steroids. Laura Whitcomb denied ever using supplements, but further testimony says she may have mistakenly used.
Josh Pearl--Described using a "rubbing balm" in his testimony.
Bryan Weintrop--Tested positive for anabolic steroids, HGH, Winthrol, THG, and failed 6 cocaine tests. Has been suspended by the league 18 times in the past 3 years. "We're getting sick of this faggot little duck kid," said Whitcomb before her indictment.
Ron Young--"Come on man, I'm so mellow." Well, he's correct on that one. Perhaps because he failed his 15th marijuana test since he entered the league. According to YABA rules, you are allowed to fail 16 times before your first 1 week suspension. "I've got plenty of time." However, Young's link to BALCO is what is going to get him in trouble. He has admitted using the steroid Andro and other testosterone supplements.
DLC Members Comment on
DLC REUNION!!!
D.L.C. teammates Jordan Taber, Kyle Runge, and Jeremy Jones had a team reunion this summer at Strike 'N Spare.
"It felt good just to be out there again," said Taber, who was the star of the event, finishing with several 200 games and a memorable series on lanes 35 and 36 in which he averaged over 203.
"I didn't do terribly, but could've done a lot better," says Runge. DLC has one more week to bowl together before Taber departs for hell...uh...college at the University of Kansas for a sickening sophomore year, and Jones is headed to rival school Mizzou. Runge, meanwhile, has begun community college.
"College blows," Runge responded.
"Mizzou has never seen as sweet a shot as mine," Jones commented in a press conference on his Mizzou declaration.
"We hope to do this again next summer, at least I do, since I have no life...although eventually I hope I'll get one," Taber answered in response to the question of whether or not DLC would be doing this again next year.
For now, it appears Runge, who will remain in St. Louis, will not return to Strike 'n Spare in the fall to continue on the DLC name. 1-time teammate Devin Ball is now in the Marines, and the other 1-time teammate, Sam Lacey, is, well, who knows? But the original members of DLC are still in proper working order, aside from loose cannon Market, perhaps, but he's alive, at least.
JONATHAN MARKET SLITS WRISTS, SURVIVES
In a very sad story, former DLC bowler Jonathan Market was found to have slit his wrists. He was, however, discovered in time and is alive as we speak. No, this wasn't an accident, so if anyone tries to tell you that, you're an idiot if you come close to believing it. My God, how often do people call suicide attempts an "accident?" Idiots...anyway, Market's problem was a quite common one, but DLC wishes him the best and hopes he doesn't try to fuck up his life too much.
ABOVE: AMF STRIKE 'N SPARE LANES
STANDINGS (2/7/04)
|
Place |
Team |
Won |
Lost |
Pins |
|
1. |
We Have 10 Pins |
28 |
14 |
14568 |
|
2. |
Team 11 |
28 |
14 |
14485 |
|
3. |
Head Pins |
26 |
16 |
14075 |
|
4. |
Split Happens |
25 |
17 |
14489 |
|
5. |
Handicappers |
25 |
17
|
14203 |
|
|
6. |
Team 4 |
25 |
14 |
13838 |
|
7. |
DLC |
22 |
20 |
13399 |
|
8. |
The Farside |
21 |
21 |
14052 |
|
9. |
Delinquents |
19 |
21 |
10957 |
|
10. |
Team 1 |
17 |
23 |
13567 |
|
11. |
2 N 2 |
17 |
25 |
13515 |
|
12. |
Team 10 |
16 |
21 |
13526 |
|
13. |
Great Balls of Fire |
13 |
29 |
13922 |
|
14. |
Team 12 |
0 |
42 |
0 |
A Tribute to Jonathan Market
Jonathan Market was an integral part of DLC for more than four years. He became known as the perennial underachiever and the loose cannon, but it was he who gave DLC the unspoken advantage along their run towards glory in 2000 when they won the Strikes League Championship. He was MVP of the championship game, and his presence on the team, WHEN HE SHOWED UP, of course, was always something more than what was on the scoreboard. He was a guy who brought the unit together, someone who filled in the missing personalities, and someone who made Jordan, the current loose cannon, take more of a sane approach because there was no more loose cannon to go around. Market has retired from the game of bowling at age 17 to pursue other interests, and DLC would like to wish him all the best. Market was dropped after missing several straight weeks, as it became apparent that he would not be able to contribute very often for the remainder of the season. A tribute to Market, going over his long career, is now posted in Market's profile.
What Never Came to Fruition--Jones/Ortiz
Brandon Ortiz is said to be in good relations with Jeremy Jones. DLC's General Manager Jonathan Market has stated that there is a strong chance they will pursue him this off-season to be their new leadoff guy and replacement for Jordan Taber. "You can't really replace a guy like Jordan," Market stated at a news conference, "His leadership and understanding of the game is unmatched. His passion for victory and ability to bring everybody's level of play up around him as well as his own by sheer will is what stands out the most about him. His technical master and love of the game will be missed, but Ortiz has a 172 (actually 172.8 at this moment) average, and that can not be overlooked. It'll be hard to move on, but DLC is more than just a flash in the pan team. IT's a team that will live on for generations. The old guys, Kyle and Jeremy, will teach the new guys, the young guys, the standard of DLC and then in turn, those young guys, when they become the old veterans, will teach new young guys. It'll be kind of like an NCAA program. You only have so many years of eligibility here, and things will go in cycles, but hopefully there'll always be somebody around to lead. And we feel we have that, but we also feel it would be benficial to get a 3rd experienced player to help the fourth member, who will be our young recruit, to develop and learn all about participation on the team and in the community webpage." HOWEVER, THIS NEVER CAME TO FRUITION AND ORTIZ LEFT STRIKE 'N SPARE AND TOOK HIS 172 AVERAGE WITH HIM.
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